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Five ways to get others to do your bidding

Monday March 15th 2010, 5:02 pm
Filed under: Lists, Convincing Others

Today, I had a fun conversation with a girl who I used to be friends with. We hadn’t really had a conversation until today. Here is how she opened up the conversation:

<girl> hey, do you lend out your car at all?

Hrm, I wonder if she wants me to help her out?

<girl>i was trying to go to the beach today with some people, but then a driver backed out, and now i’m trying to find another car last minute, but it’s not as easy as I hoped it would be

Wait for it. Here’s the kicker.

<girl>actually, if you want, you’re welcome to come along

Oh really? If I drive you, it’s okay if I come? As opposed to your first request of just taking my car? Why, thank you so much for the (backhanded) invitation!

The funny thing about this conversation is that it easily could have taken a very different turn if this girl had done a few things differently. These tactics can be used in many situations to make anyone do your bidding.

Start a conversation without immediately asking for a favor - It would have been nice if she had started off by asking how I was doing. Maybe even just a ‘hey,’ would have been a hell of a lot better. Keep in mind, I rarely rarely ever talk to this girl: maybe once a month—and I always initiate the conversation. This brings us to #2.
If you can imagine ever needing a person’s help, at least keep in touch a little bit - If you don’t hate someone, it is always easy to have a conversation with someone at least once a week or so. This conversation was on INSTANT MESSENGER, it really is not hard to keep in touch with someone when you know exactly when they are available and when they aren’t. I used to IM her about twice a week to say hello, and our conversations were always short, “Hi.” “Hi, I can’t talk right now sorry bye.” That happened SO MUCH it got to the point when I just gave up. Since this is IM, you don’t even need to devote your whole concentration to the conversation, hell you can play a video game while talking to the person. Let’s look at #3.
If you want a favor done, you damn well better include them in the activity - You want to go to the beach? That’s cool. Only one person you know has a car? INVITE THEM TOO. She did invite me, it just took her a while to get to that point. First off, she just wanted to ‘borrow’ my car. Taking my car so she can hang out with her better friends isn’t a borrow. It’s a jack.
Be at least a little sly about asking for a favor - If you want someone to do you a favor, especially someone you aren’t great friends with, you need to put a little thought into how you are going to ask for the favor. Make it seem like you are talking to them about a problem you are having. Let them offer the solution. If she asked me to come with her to the beach, and then said, “the only problem is we don’t have a car, do you know anyone who could help?” I probably would have driven her.
If the person honestly can’t or won’t help you out, don’t burn bridges - After I didn’t respond for a few minutes to her final request for me to drive, here is what she said.

<girl>if you don’t want to lend out your car or come along, that’s fine. i can try and figure something else out

Now I’m probably over-analyzing this last statement, but it seems like she could’ve been a lot nicer when I said no. The sarcasm in this last comment, coupled with a plea for me to fix her situation just seems, well, bitchy. I sure ain’t gonna help now.

Let’s look at a different way this conversation could’ve gone.

<girl> hey, how are you?
<me> I’m fine, what’s up?
<girl> Not much, I’m planning on going to the beach with a few friends today. Do you want to come along?
<me> Oh really? Yeah, I’d love to. How are you guys getting there?
<girl> I’m not sure yet…Public transportation doesn’t go there, and it’s pretty far. None of us have a car, either, but hopefully we can find someone who does.
<girl> Do you have any ideas?
<me> Yeah, I have a car, sure I’d be glad to go.

So simple, so useful. The major trick here! MAKE SURE THE PERSON YOU WANT THE FAVOR FROM BELIEVES HE IS COMING UP WITH THE IDEA. In this sample conversation, I’m part of the planning process, and I have a solution. Of course I’ll help.

Needless to say, I didn’t drive her anywhere. Also, I deleted her off my buddy list. Lame.

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